Real Fantasies

[Continued from yesterday...]

Walking to her place took only about five minutes, during which Julia clung to my body as if she feared I would change my mind again. When we stopped in front of her house, I pushed up her skirt and put my hand on her pussy. Her pussy was so wet I could feel it through the panties. She moaned, and we both rushed up the stairs into her apartment and into her room as fast as possible.

There, we both ripped our clothes off until I was just wearing my boxers and Julia her bra and panties. Her undies were nothing special, just plain white cotton underwear, but her expression was still the same as before: hungry and wanting. She gave me a wild, long kiss and rubbed her pussy against my leg, moaning loud. I pushed her down on the bed and pulled her panties down, then my own underwear, while she got rid of her bra. She had nice perky breasts, not really big but very firm. She spread her legs wide and was already panting, her face becoming sweaty even though I hadn't touched her yet. This eagerness of waiting to be fucked was incredible, and I had become really horny myself, so I pushed my cock into her pretty quick. The fucking wasn't something special, I fucked her very hard and with mercy, but she was so wet and her pussy wide that it took long for me to reach an orgasm. I am sure that she had least one as well, and when I go of her body, her makeup was smeared all over her face because she had sweated that much.

We both were very quite afterwards. I felt that she was embarrassed of having shown her horniness that open to her and told her that I had really enjoyed it. She blushed - as far as I could see from the little light falling onto her face - and said "Please don't let us talk about this. I... I..." and her voice trailed of. I said okay and suggested that we just should go to sleep now and she agreed.

I usually fall asleep pretty quick, and this time, it was no exception. But in the middle of the night - I estimate two hours later - I woke up because I felt Julia laying on her side, her face turned away from me. She was rubbing her butt against my body, moaned softly and seemed to touch herself with her hands. It took me a minute or so to realize what was happening, then I put one arm around her body and caressed her breasts. Julia moaned a bit louder and pushed harder against my cock which was starting to get hard. When I put my other hand around her head and run over her face with my fingers, she first sucked on my fingers, then said very quietly: "Please, can you..." and didn't finish the sentence again. I felt a bit mean and whispered into her ear: "What are you talking about?". She hesitated a few second, then told me a bit louder: "Can we have sex again?". I had to smile, but of course, I didn't have to be told twice, and entered her in the spooning position. After a while, I got on top of her again and fucked her long and slow, then falling asleep almost immediately after I had cum.

The next morning, we awoke almost at the same time. I tried to make a little conversation, but Julia was very quiet and I could feel that she wanted me to leave, which I did a few minutes later. I met her again two days later in a bistro, but she avoided conversation and couldn't look me straight into the eyes. A friend of her told me later that Julia was 15 years older than me and was just working on her postdoctoral qualification, which - I have to admit - impressed me a lot.

To this day, I can't figure out completely what Julia really felt and thought during that night. She was a pretty lonely person, not in the sense that she had no friends, but I think she couldn't really open herself up to other people - it's the same with me. At first, I thought she had a submissive trait in her character, but this is probably not true - she just felt such a need to be close to someone that she was willing to beg for sex to have this need fulfilled. I have never seen her again and have even forgotten her real name, but I am never going to forget that night - Julia is still a very special person to me.

Today I'm going to write down a story which happened to me while I was on my holidays in a mediterrean country. I travelled around using the Interrail pass a lot and decided to stay in one city for a few days to relax a bit. For a week or so I hung around with a group of fellow travelers from all over the world. The atmosphere was very open and friendly, everybody had a good time and we all felt as if we never could have a better time in our lives (in hindsight, we were probably right).

One evening we went to a bar to drink lots of cocktails and met a quite a few new people. I became engaged into a conversation with woman who was a friend of a friend. She didn't really attract me physically - while she wasn't exactly fat - while she seemed to have nice breasts, she had more kilos on her body than I usually like a woman to have. Her face was pretty average, with a perky nose and a few freckles, and her shoulder-length brown hair added to the image of a person who doesn't stand out of a crowd. But she was pretty intelligent and turned out an interesting person to talk to and quite soon, we were talking about anything and nothing. She seemed to be a few more years older than me, but we didn't talk about ourselves at all - not even about what we did for a living or in which city we lived.

After about half an hour, I talked with some other guys again and went to the dancefloor for while. Then someone suggested to move to another club, which we did. This one was what the people living there considered 'underground' but can only described as a pretty sleazy basement. There, some drunk guy began to talk to me - but he was unkempt, reeked after alcohol and talked to me in a slurred English that was almost incomprehensible. I noticed the woman I talked to earlier - let's call her Julia, I honestly can't remember her name - walking by and smiling at the situation I was in. I toucher her by the shoulder and whispred jokingly in her ear: "Please rescue me from this guy!".

I have to emphasize that I didn't have the slightest sexual interest in her up to this point in time, and hadn't noticed that she had one in me either. So I was completely taken aback about what happened now. She took my hand, pulled me a few steps away, pushes me against the next wall and began french kissing me. I'd already had drunken quite a few beers and cocktails and didn't even think about not taken part in this action at this moment. I am, however, a pretty dominant person - particularly when it comes to sex and relationships - so I took her arms off my body and grabbed her buttocks with my hands to stress this point. She didn't seem to mind. I kissed her for a few more minutes, and although she was a pretty good kisser, the situation didn't really arouse me. That's why I stayed pretty passive, except from grabbing her butt and hips a few times - it was just fun for me.

I noticed that most of the people, including my friends, had already left when I looked around a bit later and I thought about going home as well. I felt a bit tired and not in the mood, which Julia must have felt, because then, it happened. Julia stepped slightly back, looked me deep into my eyes and said with a wanting, almost begging voice: "Please, will you come over to my place? Please?" I wanted to say no, but as I looked at her face, I saw an expression I had never seen before: So much of horniness, despair and subservience - it was almost unbelievable to look at, and so she caught my interest. Julia noticed my hesitation and asked again, her voice trembling "Please, you will like it, I promise?" and with a slow wink of her brown eyes, I was won over.

Walking to her place took only about five minutes, during which Julia clung to my body as if she feared I would change my mind again. When we stopped in front of her house, I pulled...

[enough for today, I will continue with this tomorrow]

Today, I am going to describe one formative experience I had in my early youth. I was thirteen or fourteen years old, and had never had any intimate contact with a member of the other sex. During my whole yout, I was kind of lagging behind my classmates when it came to my size (I was always the smallest boy in class until I was about 16 years old), but I was never someone to was bully around.

This story, as well as the others I am going to write down, is true. That's why the all real names are replaced with fictional ones, mine being "Tom".

I remember every detail of this magical day: It was very hot, and I went over to Dave, a good friend of mine, to play with him during the afternoon. He was one of my best buddies, and he had a great mom. While I felt always a bit queasy when friends visited me, because my own mother tended to be very protective, came into my room all the time to look after me, and asked them questions I thought to be embarassing, his mother was just "cool". She never disturbed us, except to supply us with snacks, didn't mind when we watched TV and just had a very self-conscious aura.

What I had never realized to this very day was that she was very good looking as well for her age. Although German, she could have passed as a native in all mediterrean countries with her black, smooth hair and the dark complexion. In her early fourties, she still did some kinds of sport almost every day and was pretty fit. She tended to wear her hair in a bun, which gave her a real impressive aura in combination with her slightly masculine features.
For me, her husband never seemed a proper match with her. While very fit as well, he always left one with the impression an absentminded intellectual who lived in his own world.

I had visited my friend's place so often that I felt like home. That's why I entered the house through an open patio door without ringing the bell, stepping though the living room into the hallway. Nobody seemed to be at home, and I looked into the kitchen first, then went down the hallway again, past the bathroom door which stood slightly ajar. Without any deeper thought, I pushed it open, saying "Hello?".

And there she was, my friend's mother. To this day, I could not figure out why she had left the door open. She had just taken a shower and stood there, completely naked, bend over with her head towards me, whily dyring her legs with a big bathroom towel. I stood there, frozen. I had never noticed before how big her breasts were. Now, hanging down, they seemed huge to me. She looked terrified at first, but after she recognized me, she smiled and stood upright, not trying to cover herself, but holding the towel in one hand beside her body. Her pubic hair was shaved so only a small, very black triangle could be seen between her legs. Her hair was open and wet, and the way she smiled at me, she was the most beautiful person in the world to me - which is not suprising, given that I never had seen a nude woman before from this distance for real.

I began stuttering how sorry I was and turned around to get out, but while I was still staning in she door, she said "Tom?" Now I was terrified of receiving some kind of punishment or getting in trouble, even though this mixed up with the incredible feeling of what I had just seen. I turned around. She still stood there naked, telling me "It's no problem. No one ever died of having been seen naked." I could only nod. She turned around, took the shower head and began to rinse the bathtub. To do so, she bent over again, her legs slightly apart. I still imagine that I saw a glimpse of her pussy, but I do not know whether I could really recognize that much. What I definitely saw was her broad, but well-trained back and her round, big, firm buttocks which seemed to jump into my face. My brain seemed to spin out of control. Almost casual, I could feel that I was getting an erection.

While still cleaning the bathtub, she told me "But you probably aren't here for me. Dave must be home every minute. We didn't expect you that early." Then, she was finished and turned around. "Why don't you go into the living room and watch TV." And with an expression that was sad and smiling at once, she looked me straight into the eyes and said "I'm sorry, but I have to get dressed." and walked by me into her bedroom.

Dave really arrived a few minutes later, and that's the end of the story. His mother behaves as before since then, and she has never made a suggestive remark or let me know in another way that she even remembers the situation. I thought for a long while that she really didn't care about me seeing her naked and behaved very normal during my experience, but now I'm sure she wanted to tease me. During this magical moment, she could get the complete and utter admiration from someone looking at her body - even if it was just a little boy. And the older I become and think about her last sentence and put it in connection to what else I know about her life, I realize that she is probably caught in a boring marriage where she can't get out and is hoping for something exciting - but she has to say "I'm sorry", because she knows this is not possible.

For me, this woman became the subject of my wet dreams for a very long time. And today, I still think about her sometimes when I masturbate. If although she probably never ever thought about an intimate contact with me, she is still my example of a person who is caught between wanting and the feeling of being locked in.

Locked in a relationship, a set of moral values, the expectations of your friends - I have seen this sad look so often in a woman - and sometimes she breaks out of this prison, but she usually returns on her own.

Welcome to my blog!

First, let's start with some probably not-so-interesting, but basic details. I am male in my twens living somewhere in Germany, studying a technical subject. I live a pretty ordinary life, and most of my friends would never think that I have another, darker side as well: I spend most of my time on the internet or elsewhere looking for dirty sex.

This is hardly a very exciting thing to do, as there are probably a lot of men doing this, and I guess there are already quite a few blogs out there discussing this very topic. I don't feel original, but somehow it makes me feel better writing about everything that happened to me so far.

It is a strange, fascinating world out there - full of people who are filled with desire, shame and anguish, looking for a long commitment, a cheap thrill or just the quick act of getting the physical satisfaction of an orgasm. I believe that you can find out a lot about a person's soul by understanding the way he or she lives out the sexual fantasies lurking deep inside. Even if I am probably never going to understand what makes me crave for sex that much myself, even if this whole business stays a mystery for me for my whole life, it is never going to stop being fascinating.